Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
