i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Randomize
