I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
