Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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