Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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