he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
