Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
