I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
