I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
