I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
