all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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