i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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