Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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