Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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