dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
