Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
