I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
