He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
