Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize