Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
