I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's get the cat blown out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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