Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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