Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
