i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
