btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
please come you make the beer taste better
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
