Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
