when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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