OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
