You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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