White coat. Heels.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
