I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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