eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
