Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
