I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
