i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
