please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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