Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
