if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
