plz talk dirty to me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
