Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
