she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
