She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is the high leading the old right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
