I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
