Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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