Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
