i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
