they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
