and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
