i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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