so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
be right there i have to get my cape
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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