My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
