Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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