I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
