wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
