I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
