i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
