everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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