i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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