After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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