Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
