I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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