Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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