That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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