omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
