I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
