i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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