my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
