I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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